Extreme Jewelry

I have been struggling with something lately...

     I have gauged ear lobes and lip piercings. You probably have already noticed that. One thing that has been bothering me for ages is the tug and pull battle between feeling feminine with these sorts of extremities. I see very gorgeous girls with jewelry like this that are very gothic, scene or punk. However I don't feel like I fit into any of these categories of style choice. And yes, yes of course I know that these are just silly labels, but none the less I would like to have a general feel of what I like and what I would like to shop for when it comes to clothing.

     I love my piercings. I have had my spider bites for a few years now and I have yet to grow tired of them. I have had my ears gauged since about 9th grade, so that makes it about five years now. I refuse to take them out because I like how they look and I think that alternative beauty is great! Although, in our society it's hard to get that look that so many people have seemed to master... I don't even really know what I want. I just want to wear hippy clothes and pastel goth at the same time, which is totally clash-y.

     Over the years I have went through so many styles changes from scene queen to straight up dyke. I don't even know what I would call my style. But I guess it doesn't really matter. Being what I consider pretty has been such a struggle for me... Especially with the piercings. I don't know how to wear makeup to my liking. I don't even like to wear that much makeup, so I can't come off as super girly. I do like dressing up to go out into public though, such as visits to the mall or dates with Joshua.

    Is there anyone out there reading this that has had the same kind of predicament before? Please comment with your thoughts.